"Honey, please go back to sleep."
This is a familiar refrain. I hear it from my wife at the same exact time, nearly every single night.
2:32am.
Some people wake up at different moments in their sleep patterns.
My precise "Groundhog Night" moment, collides into my psyche at, 2:32am.
I'm up.
I flip on my little alarm clock radio (keeping it super low) and have it tuned to 880 AM, so I can listen to "traffic and weather together on the 8's" over and over.
I can tell you what's happening on the Grand Central Parkway, the Throgs Neck Bridge, or if need be -- we can get crazy and talk about overnight repair work, on any major highway.
The weather report is also valuable -- as it prepares me for what shoes to wear.
This routine for me starts at 2:32am, and lasts for about 2-3 hours, every single night.
Why?
Why am I awakened? Why 2:32am?
I think I've figured part of it out.
You see, by all major accounts - my life has been pretty darn good. Other than a few major scares, I believe that the totality of my existence has been, above average -- in regards to how I've been able to avoid major "personal stresses."
Healthy kids, good marriage, financially stable, not currently in a psyche ward, not on any kind of "mood/happiness" medicines......you see .....no major trauma.
So, why am I up at 2:32am?
I'm up at 2:32am, because my mind is wandering on business, and what's going to happen.....
Some things I can control -- but the issues that get me up at 2:32am are the mindbending questions, that I cant control.
(Disclosure moment - @Lotame, we've exceeded our revenue and margin goals for the last 2 years. My team has built a multi million dollar revenue business, with hundreds of happy clients, and we employ over 70 people currently, on our way to over 100 this year.....so, this post is NOT about anything but my thoughts, and feelings on "what gets and keeps me up at night.")
Issues that CAN BE, and CANNOT be controlled --- or more directly "understanding the precise challenge, and coming up with the correct decision/response."
I pride myself on making decisions. One thing (I'm hopeful of) is that the one of the things people cannot say about me (and there is plenty of other things that can be said that are not as positive as this) is that I don't make decisions.
If given a choice, good data, and some relevant guidance --- I WILL MAKE A DECISION. I've known people that procrastinate, want to "sleep on it" -- will wait for consensus, and worst of all -- do nothing.
Not me. Work with me, and you will get an answer --- a decision, feedback.
But, that comes with a price.
And, I pay it.
The price for me, is a mindblowing, steady, consistent and tortuous gnawing -- at precisely, 2:32am.
Some questions that get me rattled:
1) Did we make the offer to the correct candidate?
2) Did we do everything we could to win that business, and present ourselves correctly in that new, 6 or 7 figure pitch?
3) Did we articulate correctly what we can do, and CANNOT do, to a new customer of our platform?
4) Are we sharing enough data and learning with our product management, and technology team to build the most dynamic features into our platform?
5) Can our sales team be doing more, and getting more deals?
6) Can I, AS THE LEADER, THE MANAGER, THE VOICE OF OUR COMPANY -- CAN I BE DOING MORE TO INSURE OUR SUCCESS?
And, more often than not, out of all the others -- it's #6 that gnaws, cajols, and like a woodpecker next to my bed, gets my soul up at 2:32am.
Can I, AS THE LEADER, THE MANAGER, THE VOICE OF OUR COMPANY -- CAN I BE DOING MORE TO INSURE OUR SUCCESS?
I hit replay on conversations, that I BOTH -- DID, and DID'NT HAVE.
I replay instances where I made decisions, and when I did not make the right one.
Hundreds of daily interactions, in person, email, phone, text, IM -- all go through the filter of my life, at 2:32am.
Why am I writing this? Why am I writing this -- am I sharing with the world that, getting up at 2:32am is abnormal -- is it weird, crazy, and worst yet -- portray a glimpse of my insecurity to the world, that this guy - gets up at 2:32am?
You betcha.
Being honest, with our people, and our clients is the most important trait we have. It's one of the most integral parts of any company, before technology, mission, and value -- it's who you are, and what you are made of.
We do not have it all figured out, not by a longshot. The odds makers can tell you better than I could the statistic of failed businesses -- and the rate of success/failure...it's staggering and humbling. The chips are stacked against almost all small businesses before they ever open their doors......
We are not perfect. We have a ways to go.
But, 2:32 is my place. It's my place to think. It's my place to review, to contemplate, -- and to hear "traffic and weather together on the 8's."
I will worry when I no longer get up at 2:32am.
That will be a sure sign, that it is time to move onto other challenges.
That has not happened yet, but I may be slowly transferring some of my anxiety, and ideas, and unanswered issues to those around me --- to bring them into the hallowed, 2:32am club.
"Honey, please go back to sleep."
"I'm trying dear, I'm trying......"
