YOU AIN'T GONNA LEARN WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW

Carolier Roller Rink

 

As we sat together, he kept asking me probing questions. 

 

 

“What does your product pipeline look like?” 

 

 

“What is your three year revenue plan?” 

 

 

 

“Who are your biggest clients, and what prospect are in your pipeline to close in the next two quarters?” 

 

 

I answered all of his questions.    

 

 

He took notes.   He filled up 3 pages in his notebook -- of my confidential plans.  

 

 

As he left, we shook hands, and said he would be touch.  I liked him,  and he seemed genuinely interested in Lotame.    

 

 

“Andy, I love your business --- lets try to find a way to work together, I will be in touch shortly.” 

 

 

2 weeks later, as I was sitting at my desk, drinking my morning coffee – I was skimming the news, and reading industry updates. 

 

 

The guy who I gave all the information to, just 2 weeks prior had his picture plastered in front of me……

 

 

He led a large venture capital round with my biggest competitor.   The guy who asked me the probing questions, about my business – led a $20 million dollar round in a competing company.   The guy who took 3 pages of copious, detailed notes about my business…….

 

 

I was crushed.   I blamed myself, and vowed not to let it happen again. 

 

*********************************************************** 

 

 

As the car pulled up the to front of the roller rink, I slide out of the back of our family's cream colored station wagon…..and into Carolier Roller Rink…..

 

Carolier Roller Rink was the hip joint in East Brunswick in 1980.   It was the place that 12 year olds could act cool, skate around, play video games -- and be independent.  

 

What was cooler than roller skating on Saturday afternoons in the winter months?  (When there was no team sports going on)

 

Drop off at 1pm, pick up at 4pm,  and all for less than $10 dollars.  

 

As you walked into the roller rink, the eyes had to adjust – from bright daylight, to darkness. 

 

The only illumination on the roller rink, was the glare and glitter of the disco ball, in the middle of the large, expansive room.    

 

 

One girl was the best skater and the prettiest.   Her name was Suzy. 

 

I had a crush on her. 

 

I was always afraid, always hesitant to ask Suzy to skate with me during the “couples only” skate.   I was shy, and deathly afraid of rejection. 

 

I told my friend at the rink, as the couple's only skate time was about to be announced....I proclaimed to him.....

 

“I would give anything to skate with Suzy, I’m just too embarrassed to ask her to skate with me.” 

 

Skating in the couples only session, required the holding of hands.    A real, genuine deal breaker for a shy 12 yr old, with sweaty palms. 

 

 

I think it might have been Donna Summer, or it could have been Peaches and Herb playing during the couples skate…..

 

I cant remember. 

 

 

Going to get a stale pretzel during the couples skate that I wasn’t participating in was typical of me – in order to kill time – until FREE SKATE was opened back up for the shy folks, unwilling to stick out their necks, guys like me -- afraid of asking Suzy to skate……. 

 

 

My friend who I told about my affection and crush on Suzy, was skating with her.   Holding hands --- going in circles around the rink.  

 

 

I was crushed.   I was burning with jealousy – I wanted to punch his lights out. 

 

 

“How could you, how could you ask Suzy when you knew I liked her – when you knew….?”  

 

 

He replied, “Because, because you were too chicken, and I knew I could, and you wouldn’t.” 

 

 

I never EVER trusted him again.   We remained friends for many years, but I never forgot the feeling of hurt, disappointment, and rage – that I felt that Saturday afternoon in 1980. 

 

 

And yet, I see my kids going through challenges, dealing with rejection, and dealing with similar situations – like the one that I faced at Carolier Roller Rink.    Tension amongst peers, jealously, embarrassment, and deep feelings of hurt.   

 

I want to help. 

 

I want to tell them it will be OK. 

 

 

I want to tell them that, “hurt, failure and despair” are all a part of the journey – and it is how you deal with it that matters the most……

 

 

But, I cant. 

 

 

I want them to experience it all for themselves.    I don’t want to lecture, minimize, or tell them that --- “this too shall pass.” 

 

It wont. 

 

 

The hurt, the shame and the embarrassment are a constant in life.     

 

 

I’ve failed, and felt the pain…..too many times to count.   

 

 

Its better to feel the sting of it early.   Its better to understand -- the depths of hurt and anguish – as you see Suzy holding hands with your friend, as they skate to The Knack, or SuperTramp --- in an endless Couples Skate, while you eat a salty pretzel. 

 

 

Spicy mustard makes it go down easier.   

 

 

Busting out of the Frame

 

Frames around a picture, constrain an image.

 

 

If you come to any of our Lotame offices, you will see pictures hanging all around the office, lining nearly every wall.

 

 

I am not, nor do I ever pretend to be a decent photographer. 

 

 

In fact, I’m pretty lousy.

 

 

But, I love taking pictures, developing them, framing them, and then hanging them somewhere in my life.

 

 

And, sometimes when I look at them, I see something totally different, and unique – that I missed when I chose to hang it -- on the proverbial, wall of my life.

 

 

Shakedown Street is a well known, and popular song by the Grateful Dead.

 

 

“Don’t tell me this town aint got no heart,

you just gotta poke around.”

 

 

 

The song has a distinct frame.   The frame is the chord progression, the frame, is the bridge……the frame, is the funky bass beat the permeates through the listener, and draws you closer…..

 

 

“Nothing shaking on Shakedown Street,

it used to be the heart of town……”

 

 

 

As the frame of the song progresses…”you can never tell….”

 

 

BAM!

 

You get hit with the picture.   The picture (image) is the part of the song, that is the canvas – the blank area that allows for creativity, freedom, and energy……

 

The frame falls away.   There is no surrounding guide – nothing holding the image of sound in place….

 

 

You are left to a jaw dropping, intense, art form – that envelopes the listener, that consumes the senses, and draws you in…..

 

 

 

The band unleashes a tidal wave, that in a period of 10 minutes reveals so much about the period of time they are in, the tour, and where they each were creatively at the very moment, that this particular picture offers to the listener… (or piece of audio reveals)

 

 

1979 is different than 1980.

1985 is VERY different than 1989.

 

 

They are all special, all unique – and all so very image capturing – even though they are not images at all……

 

 

They are images of sound, images of light, images of soul,  all captured on tape….

 

 

Then, the proverbial frame comes back into play, the song –the reality of control, discipline, the bridge re-emerges, and it brings Shakedown to a close…..and order is restored.   The frame returns to assume control, and stop the chaos.

 

 **************************************************

 

 

“What are you going to do with your life?”

 

“How are you going to live?”

 

“How are you going to handle the situation?”

 

“What is your next move?”

 

“What is your decision?”

 

 

All of us have faced these questions in some form or another.   All of us have wandered into the unknown territory, and stretched ourselves into places that, truly place us in unchartered waters…

 

We get away from the frame.  

 

Into the center of the image, our life’s image – it is where our creativity flourishes, and where the sound, the energy, and the “jam of Shakedown happens” in each of our lives…..

 

No frame. 

 

It’s what defines you.

 

When we are young, we are defined and disciplined, by a frame around our lives….

 

As we mature, and grow older --  that FRAME slowly fades away – and the frame appears now and again……but, more often than not --  we are guided by the collective energy of our, jamming together….or alone, that helps creates energy, spirituality, and self perception, of  precisely who we are.   It defines us. 

 

For some, life without a frame is daunting, and scary.  

 

Many embrace it – and love having no frame around them whatsoever.

 

Well, I sure don't know
What I'm goin' for
But I'm gonna go for it, 
That's for sure.  

 

Instinct cant be taught.

 

 

You are in the jam. 

 

 

Right now, you are in the arena – in the fight – and you are the image, without a frame….

 

 

I recently spent time with a 90 year old woman, who told me that the scariest part of growing old, was in fact, not the aging aspect of what the years do to your body physically,  and how it renders your ability to move around problematic, but….

 

It was the frame.

 

“Andy, all of a sudden  -- you wake up one day, and have no freedom.  Your kids become your parent, there are all these rules, and disciplines placed on me at every turn.  I’m restricted at what I can decide, do, and influence.   I’m going through the motions, but I’ve got no say.  I’m here in body only, and barely even that……”

 

The frame dominates her life.    The frame placed around her as a young child, re-emerged….

 

 

Not the image in the middle.   Not the jam.   Not the creativity to decide, or choose…

 

 

And like your health, you don’t value it, until it is gone.   Vanished.   

 

 

The centerpiece of life……the jam, the image……

 

 

Replaced by a frame.  A bridge, a chorus – and black wooden fence surrounding the image, inside the picture on the wall of life….

 

 

I have a friend living in an airport hotel.   His life, his journey took him on a path that he wanted…..the frame was taken from him early in life – and he was squarely placed into the image at a young age.   (The death of a parent, can remove the guidance and discipline a frame offers….)

 

He is struggling with the image of his life that he has created of himself, and is working to improve it.   I wish him the best.   

 

I have other friends who are tremendously successful, and their image is beautiful, fulfilling, and full of good energy…..

 

 

The pictures lining the walls of my office contain no people that I know.  Complete strangers going about their lives….smoking, drinking, laughing, playing – and I know absolutely none of them.

 

Weird, eh?

 

They are all in the JAM.   I captured them squarely in their creative state…..

 

 

“Sometimes we live no particular way but our own,

sometimes we visit your country,  and live in your home –

sometimes we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone –

sometimes the songs that we hear, are just songs of our own.”

 

 

Life’s frame is coming your way soon enough.  

 

I hope your personal jam is as fulfilling as Shakedown is, and that your image is maximizing who you are, and who you could be......

 

If it isn’t, bust out of your IFRAME.